Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
