I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
