That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
