It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
