first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
