I haven't been this sober since birth.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
