what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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