Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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