As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
