ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
