you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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