How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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