I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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