I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
