so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
