no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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