I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I am available for nakedness
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
