She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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