dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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