Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
