It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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