So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
