I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm jealous of your bromance
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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