# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm jealous of your bromance
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
