Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
