have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
