My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
