I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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