Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
