I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
