I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
