I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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