you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
