Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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