ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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