i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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