Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
