So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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