Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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