Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
two words...techno handjob
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
