I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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