I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
