hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
