sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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