He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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