i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
