Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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