i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.†I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
