Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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