Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
