so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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