Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
