you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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