apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
