I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
