you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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