oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
