toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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