he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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