I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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